When the Task Overwhelms

“I can’t do it!” “It’s too hard!” “I hate this!”

Some days, those are fighting words! I’ve always told my children that I don’t expect them to get everything they ever do right all the time, but I do expect them to try. The rough days usually start with one or more of these phrases ringing through the house. As the parent and the teacher, I have probably the best understanding of what is too hard for my child, but convincing them of that is near impossible sometimes. Of course, it doesn’t just happen to the kids either. The days I dread and wish were over before they have ever begun are the ones when I just don’t feel up to the tasks ahead or simply don’t want to do it. Then I’m the one saying “I can’t do it!” and “I hate this!” It’s just less acceptable for the one in charge to whine about their work and expect it to be made easier somehow.

All too often, ability isn’t the trouble. Instead, it is our feelings on the matter at hand that affects our success or not. I’m talking about feeling overwhelmed. Why do we put off studying for that test or cleaning out mold growing in that spare fridge in the garage? How is that I can know every note of a song until I walk out on stage in front of hundreds of people? Why does a smart 6 year old cry over a page of math problems he has done before? Not because we can’t or it actually is too hard. It is because all of these things create an overwhelming feeling of distress and panic.

In some cases we fear getting it wrong before we’ve even tried. Other times we are just impatient and the task takes much longer than we want. Either way, this being overwhelmed is a neon sign telling us we’re low on logic and high on emotion. Logic reminds us that all this emotion probably isn’t going to make the task go away no matter how gross or boring something is. Logic emphasizes your abilities and previous experiences that make this task doable. Logic breaks the task down into easier chunks and helps deal with minor roadblocks.

Being the highly emotional person that I am and having highly emotional children, logic is something we really have to discipline ourselves on. Even that can be a little daunting when you just want to run and hide. What I have experienced is that the moment I can recognize and verbalize that I’m overwhelmed, the logical side of my brain seems to get the memo and jumps into action. When all a child can focus on is how much they can’t do this problem, they aren’t able to see their actual problem. Understanding that it is a feeling problem (and not an ability problem) can be the first and best step to accomplishing the task.

Giving our children a vocabulary for their feelings isn’t a new concept, but all too often feeling overwhelmed is overlooked as an important term on the list. Next time someone seems to be stuck in a negative emotional response, consider the possibility that they just need to recognize their feelings, emphasize their abilities and simplify the game plan.

Amy Butler is a disciple of Christ, the wife of an engineer, mother of three, part time piano teacher and a lover of nature. Writing is where all of her passions come together as she struggles to find the WRITE Balance.